


Covalence

by stayarmytinyzenmoa_l



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, One-Shot, Reader-Insert, Smut (Vanilla), WayV - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayarmytinyzenmoa_l/pseuds/stayarmytinyzenmoa_l
Summary: University AU; Non-Idol AUTW: Language, Light Smut around the middle (Vanilla, not very descriptive but it’s there), Mentions of Alcohol (light drinking), Relationship stuffCW: Reader’s an Apple user, Hendery’s mentioned a few timesPairing: Qian Kun x ReaderGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (somewhere in the middle cuz WHY NOT)Word Count: 19.5K**Imported from my Tumblr
Relationships: Qian Kun/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Covalence

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this one sitting in the drafts for a while, it’s definitely a long one, but also one I’ve been waiting to upload since around the time Zemblanity started kicking off, and I only recently found the time to finish it up, haha. So, without further ado, here it is! Covalence! It was originally 22K but I decided to knock out a whole section because it just didn’t fit, you know? Buuuut, regardless, I hope you still enjoy! I had fun writing this one.
> 
> That and there’s a criminal lack of Kun fics on this site and I’m determined to fix that.

## 0\. Covalence

 **Covalence** : (n) Relating to or denoting chemical bonds formed by the sharing of electrons between atoms. Often contrasted with _ionic_.

## I. Strangers 

Wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, sit in class, eat lunch, sit in class, study, go home, study some more, eat dinner, go to bed, and repeat.

Life is a routine for you, always the same, and rarely ever different. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s better this way. You enjoyed the stability and you found peace in the order. It kept your mind sharp and focused, it minimized distractions, and it helped you create a steady plan for success. Of course, you always made time for your friends, you needed a natural release every now and then or else you’d go insane under the pressure, and what better way to do it than with people you loved and cared about?

Your phone buzzed menacingly on your counter, you flipped it over and, of course, it was none other than your good for nothing ex. You silenced the call and sighed, you didn’t have the heart to block his toxic ass, but at the same time, he was really starting to drain you. The relationship’s been over for months now, you’ve gotten over it, so should he. If he “loved” you so much he wouldn’t have tried to constantly get into your privacy. You could never forgive him for reading through all of your texts and going through your history without your consent, he was the lowest of the low.

Your life has always had its ups and downs, which was natural. It’s natural to have your highs and lows in life, and you would go as far as to argue that without them you were never really living at all. These points defined you, much like the cardiogram of the heart, these points are _you_. They determine if you’re healthy, they determine if you’re sickly, and they determine when and if you need help. They are as necessary as the air you breathe, and that’s just how life works. If you’ve learned one life skill from University, it’s that you have to accept these as you and use them as stepping stones to move forward.

But you felt like your life was a broken record. Repeating the same things over and over again for weeks. You walk to your classes mechanically now, your body moves on its own. It walks a path that you had downloaded into your mind like the mindless drone University had turned you into. It’s ironic, for an institution that emphasized creativity, it did well to mold you into the same box that everyone else was in. You sit in class and you absorb information, you could care less about the faces around you unless you were in a group project with them. In the end, you’re all just students working for the same goal, competitive or not. They’re all, at most, strangers. And you had no will to get to know them. You didn’t have the time or the energy to, and that was just a fact amongst many. Every now and then you’d see a pretty or handsome face, or maybe your ears would pick up on some intelligent conversation that you’d want to place your input on, but you’d never be that shallow. You’d never say you were as simple as to speak to someone on their looks alone, that never got you anywhere, after all. Pretty faces are just that most of the time. Something to gawk at, something to envy, and something that is, in the end, superficial.

But you were the one to talk, weren’t you? Your apartment was rather plain compared to others. You had a tendency to not condone blatant superficialness, even though you yourself often fell victim to it. First impressions are important, after all, something you had become horribly aware of. And if ever you were insane enough to invite someone over, what would their thought be at your rather uninspired layout? You had bought a majority of the items second hand and within reason in order to save money, and you usually kept the curtains drawn so that they wouldn’t fade out the fabric more than they already have. You kept things simple, not minimalistic, just _simple_. Keeping the bare minimum to stay afloat. Hell, you just had a futon, coffee maker, and desk when you first moved in and now you had a tad bit more. Some would call it frugal, but you just called it _simple_.

You turned on the stove and heated up the kettle, pulling out the instant coffee from the cupboard and putting two slices of bread in the toaster. You opened your fridge and sighed, out of everything, as usual. You turned the stove off and made yourself a cup of coffee, pulling out the slices of toast and eating them just like that. A tasteless breakfast for a tasteless atmosphere, _fitting_ , almost. Sometimes you felt like laughing to yourself at your situation, anyone looking from the outside would only pity you. Working only a minimum wage job would only get you so much, after all.

After finishing your breakfast, you finished your morning routine, barely bothering to put on much makeup, if any at all, before properly changing into an outfit for the day. You took your backpack from the side of the bed, then you grabbed your lanyard and hung it around your neck before stepping out to the chilly morning air.

You locked your apartment first thing, being sure that it actually _was_ locked, this time. You couldn’t have a repeat of your ex waiting inside again, you don’t think you’d be able to be as civilized again if he were to try for a second time. You were lucky that your neighbors called the cops and escorted the bastard out, but you’ll never know. Why he was so insistent on butting back into your life, you really didn’t want to know, what you had came and went and you’re not willing to try to relive the good days. Every time you thought back to him all you could remember was the bad, small gestures you initially thought to be romantic here actually toxic, only masked with love.

You really needed to be more careful now, you were living alone this time. Your parents had long expressed their distaste with your living conditions, but you really couldn’t give a damn, and after explaining your reasoning they relented, settling on the fact that you should at least let them know that you were alive every now and then. You had a few bad experiences with your dorm mates last year, and you definitely didn’t want a repeat, you see. You could only hold their hairs up while they puked out all of that alcohol for so long before you lost your mind.

Maybe that was why you usually didn’t go to any parties, you didn’t want to end up wasted like they did. Well, to be fair, you usually didn’t drink alcohol _at all_ , it just wasn’t your thing, it was rather bitter to you, and you didn’t really understand why anyone would subject themselves to the migraines the next morning, but who were you to judge? You each had your own lifestyles, yours just happened to not match theirs, and you couldn’t fault them for that. You just had to acknowledge that you were different, and so were they.

Mutual respect, something you always wanted, but not always something you got. Just like the case with your ex, you trusted him but he didn’t trust you. You _hated_ it.

You pulled your ringing phone out of your pocket, hoping that it wasn’t your ex this time. He was racking up your phone bill, you should really put your foot down sometime soon.

“Hey, what’s up?” You held it to your ear while you unlocked your bike from its stand.

 _“(Y/N)! I’m so sorry, I can’t make it to chem today, mind if you take notes for me?”_ It was your friend, obviously. She was a commuter so she usually had some trouble making it to class, and you didn’t blame her, really, you just wished that she would give you a heads up sooner. She was rather clumsy and forgetful though, two things that never went well together. You couldn’t help but worry for her.

“It’s all good, don’t stress! Just be careful, yeah? I don’t want to hear about a car accident when I get home.”

 _“Oh, yeah, of course! Thanks, (Y/N), I owe you a bunch! Oh! Also, grab me a chocolate latte from the store next to lecture hall! Please? Thank you!”_ She hangs up first, not giving you a chance to answer but you would’ve told her yes anyway, and you hopped on your bike, heading straight to campus.

Your name was (L/N) (Y/N), and you were a full-time second-year student at your university. You had just gotten the hang of how things work, how to budget correctly, how to use your time effectively, all those necessities, and now you really felt like your life can begin. You had already gotten over the initial shock in your first year, ready to take on the world almost if you were just a bit more confident in your actions. Being on your own scared you, it really did, but you couldn’t help but feel more liberated now that you had the freedom to choose. Sure, it worked against you more often than not, but you were always so satisfied when you worked through it. This is the gratifying feeling of adulthood, right? Making your own choices, reaping your own benefits, and even more.

You parked and locked your bike right next to your lecture hall, walking over to the convenience store first and foremost, since you had time and figured why not. You walked down the aisle quickly, grabbing the prepackaged latte for your friend and heading straight for the register.

“Just this?” The cashier asks.

“Yup,” he rang up the latte and you pushed your card into the chip reader.

_‘Card Declined.’_

Ah, right, you almost forgot that you’re broke.

“Just a second please,” you pulled your debit card out in a hurry and dug through your wallet for $5.

“Hey! I told you that I’d pay for it,” someone’s voice said behind you. You turned around, seeing another student walk behind you and slide his card in for you. “It’s on me, don’t worry about it, call it thanks for helping me study,” he clears his throat and slides his headphones off of his head and around his neck.

Weird, you could _definitively_ say that you’ve never seen this man in your life.

While the clerk was busy he just nodded his head and mouthed ‘Just go with it,’ then you got the idea. Sure, you were glad that he saved you from a possibly _very_ embarrassing moment, but at the same time you felt kind of bad for both him and yourself, you must have looked pitiful. He handed you the latte and, with a quick smile, you said thank you and walked off quickly to the lecture hall, not paying him mind. Though if you ever ran into him again, you would be certain to thank him properly.

You walked into your class without a care, taking a seat near the front and taking all of your supplies out. You twirled your Apple Pen around your hand and powered on your iPad, being ready for whatever the lecture had to offer. Quick bit of context, both products were received second hand. You saw a rather sketchy Craig’s List offer for both at a discounted price of $100 and you figured that your back had been screaming at you long enough for those overload of books you’d carry every day to classes. So you decided, fuck it, and bought it. Turns out the deal wasn’t a bad one either, both products worked just fine, what a steal, am I right? A few minutes later, your professor came walking in, coffee in hand and notes in the other. She prepared the projector system wordlessly and soon the presentation showed up.

“I swear, I feel like I see less of you all every day,” she laughed, and the lecture room echoed with tired snickers. “Don’t worry, just about eight more weeks of these hell morning lectures and you’ll all be starting winter quarter! How exciting,” your professor forces a smile on her face. You appreciated her enthusiasm, really. She tried to keep everyone awake in her lectures, but sometimes it just wasn’t enough.

“Today we’re going off of last lecture and going back to our roots. Carbon and hydrogen bonding. You should’ve started these in your first year, so I hope you all saved your notes. Let’s begin,” she changes slides and you start writing.

Organic Chemistry, who the hell needs this anyway? Well, you do. Of course you do. Time to quit complaining and get writing. The content was a bit dense, but you were sure that you’d get it eventually, you’d probably end up just reading the textbook, if anything. Speaking of, you’d probably have to update your studying style, it’s always good to improve on things when you can. You put your pen down and flexed your hand, shaking the stinging pain off, and you picked it up again and resumed your notes. You could make them look prettier later, after all.

You looked up at the slides again, being sure to write down everything that looked rather important to you and highlighting what stood out, it sucked that the professor didn’t upload her slides ahead of time, but oh well, what could you do? You just had to work harder. But at this rate, you were afraid that you’d burn out, and you honestly were trying your best to avoid that since it was exactly that problem that happened in your first year. You’re better now, you know what to do and what to avoid. Sure, you’re not perfect, but then again, no one is. It’s all apart of being _human_.

Human huh? You hated what mornings did to you, making you think more about the nuances of life when you should be focusing on what the fuck stereochemistry was and how you were supposed to apply it to bonding organic molecules. Not to mention all this thinking was a horrible waste of time, if you zoned out for too long you could miss important parts of the lecture. You squeezed your cheek gently, pulling yourself out of your thoughts, and focusing back in on the PowerPoint, making sure your notes were at the very least legible as you wrote.

“And that’s time, thank you all for coming to lecture, and thank you all for filling out the Google Form, you will all be rewarded soon for your tenacity,” your professor says. She shuts down the slides and you pack your things. You still had a discussion class that day for Advanced Calculus, so unfortunately you weren’t homebound yet. You slid out of the narrow rows of chairs, taking care not to bump into anyone, and threw both of your earbuds in while you put your playlist on shuffle. You made a straight beeline for the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at your school, already submitting an order through the app because you just weren’t in the mood for social interaction that day. Then again, when were you?

By the time you reached the coffee shop your phone pinged, stating that your order was ready. You picked up the regular-sized beverage and looked around the cafe. Full, as always. You sighed softly and looked around, hoping that there was someone who would be kind enough to let you share tables with them. Strange fact that you didn’t know until last year, it was totally socially acceptable to ask a random student if you could sit across from them, as long as you followed the unspoken of rule to not engage in conversation unless absolutely necessary. You walked up to the closest one to you and waved your hand slightly. The man sitting at it looked up at you and pushed his headphones down onto his neck.

Oh, you could’ve sworn you’ve seen this guy before, right? You shook your head, he wasn’t ringing any bells.

“Hi, I’m sorry, do you mind if I sit here?” You pulled your own earbuds out so you could hear him. You had to admit, he was rather attractive. But again, you’d never be so shallow. He probably didn’t have a care in the world to direct towards a random person who asked if he could sit with him. You wouldn’t, why would he? That’s just how things worked. You ask for permission to invade a small bit of personal space and if the other person said yes then you do your work, after that whoever finished first left first. Maybe if you stayed longer than him you could take that outlet underneath him that he wasn’t using. You were too hesitant to ask him to use it now, it was rather awkward, and no matter which situation you thought of, it only ended up not playing in your favor.

“Oh, yeah go ahead,” he nods. He pushes up his round-framed glasses and moves his laptop out of the way while you sit across from him. You pulled your iPad out and selected the pages of your notes that your friend needed, sending them to her as soon as you had converted them into a .pdf file. You hadn’t heard from her since her phone call, and you were slightly worried that she wasn’t on campus yet, usually she’d text you and say that she’s on her way to class. Maybe she forgot today, you’d see her in discussion anyway. But what would you do if she wasn’t there? You couldn’t call her in case she was still stuck in traffic, you didn’t want her to get in an accident. You’d might as well just wait. You tried your best to ignore how the man in front of you was staring at your iPad.

“Sorry, can I help you?” Your impatience got the better of you. You hated it when people did stuff like this, you wanted to tell them to mind their own business, but you knew better than that.

  
“Oh, um, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” a light pink dusts his cheeks and he smiles awkwardly. You had to fight the urge to ask ‘So why did you?’ but you had to be polite. “Are you in Professor Nguyen’s class?”

“O-Chem?”

“Yeah, 8 a.m. class? Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?”

“Yes, sir,” you answered.

“I hate to ask this, but could you airdrop me those notes? I couldn’t follow the lecture at all,” he offers you a small smile and you nod your head. So that’s where you recognized him from, you were never particularly observant in your classes when it came to your classmates, especially in the particularly earlier classes.

“Yeah, of course! I’m sorry, they look kind of messy right now,” you admitted. He turned his laptop around.

“It can’t be as bad as this.”

“Oh god,” you were slightly shocked. “Is that shorthand?”

“Yeah, I made my own system because of how fast Dr. Nguyen talks, not to mention that she doesn’t let us record lectures,” he rolls his eyes.

“That’s actually really smart,” you gasped. “Hold on a sec, lemme send you these notes,” you duplicated the notes into a separate PDF and opened your airdrop.

“Uh, yeah, thanks again.”

“No problem,” you scrolled through the people. “Sorry, dumb question, I actually should’ve asked this earlier. What’s the name of your device?”

“Right, right, I should’ve mentioned that, huh?” He scrambled to go through his own laptop to check the name. “Sorry, my friends change the name every now and then to annoy me, they used to do it when we were roommates and it’s just become a running gag.”

“Oh, do I understand that, that’s why I opted to live alone this quarter,” you groaned. “I love roommates, I just happened to have _really_ bad ones before.”

“Oh no, you didn’t request a transfer?”

“I did. Multiple times.”

“This university can’t do their damn job,” he shakes his head. “Oh, sorry, it’s listed under Kun’s Laptop. Thank god they didn’t change it this time.”

“Kun’s Laptop…” you repeated, scrolling through the many recipients. “Got it. Tell me if it sends.”

“(Y/N)’s iPad?”

“Yup.”

“Thanks, I got it,” he smiles.

“So, I’m guessing that you’re Kun then?”

“Yeah, and you’re (Y/N).”

“That’s right, I’m a second year here, biochem major.”

“Cool, I’m a third year, neuroscience major.”

“Third year?” You asked him. You had to admit, he looked older than most third years you knew.

“Oh, yeah. I look a bit older than the others, huh?” It wasn’t that noticeable actually, maybe it was just the air he had about himself. He was much more mature. You hoped that you didn’t seem rude, maybe you exaggerated a little. Like you said, it wasn’t even all that noticeable. The fact that he brought it up must mean that it’s an insecurity of his, so you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “I took a year break from classes to travel around, make some money, live a little, you know? Then things came up, and one year became longer than I intended. But, I’m back here, finishing things up… I’ll admit, maybe I took too long.”

“What? Don’t say that,” you said it faster than you had originally meant to. You really just wanted to make up for your initial rudeness, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that there actually was nothing wrong with it. You kind of wished that you took that route instead. You’ve always wanted to travel around more, gather a bigger understanding of the world and its beautiful array of different cultures, it would do well for your overall understanding, you thought. Plus, there was a certain charm to traveling the world without restraints, wandering the streets of some country you didn’t know well, getting lost in their cities, or even learning the language naturally. “It’s never too late to start. And maybe I should’ve taken a break too. I just went straight after graduating from high school. I have a small regret about not enjoying my freedom more, so I envy you a little.”

“Is that so?” He flashes a smile. “I don’t think it’s my place to say this, but I never thought it was worthwhile to live with regrets.”

“Oh yeah?” A life without regrets? Easier said than done, you thought to yourself. You’ve done a plethora of things that you’ve regretted, but you guessed that he had a point. There really was no point in dwelling in the past, what matters most is that you take accountability for it, acknowledge that you did it in the past, apologize if necessary, and made up for it in the present. But, you had to admit that it was a rather interesting way of living, ideal at the most. You couldn’t fault him for thinking in such a way, part of you wanted to live like that too, but you were much too stubborn.

“Mmhmm, make the most of what you’re doing now. And if you missed an opportunity, you missed it. It’s always best to make do with what you have in the now, and make it into something wonderful and rewarding,” he says. He takes a sip of his coffee. Maybe it was your tired brain, but you really did find him attractive, more so now. He certainly wasn’t handsome in the traditional sense, but the way he spoke was somewhat eloquent to you. Like you mentioned earlier, you tended to find a favor in people like him. You secretly hoped that you’d run into him more often, he seemed like he had a lot to say on certain topics and you couldn’t help but be curious. “Or maybe I’m just being strange from lack of sleep and the near overdose of caffeine,” he finished with a light tone, probably figuring that it was too early for anything too philosophical.

“God, do I understand that,” you laughed, “but, no, not at all, I caught what you were throwing,” you straightened yourself a little, suddenly very aware of your slouched posture. What he said had a small effect on you, it resonated, actually. You liked that. You felt bad though. You didn’t even remember his name. Which is a bad habit of yours, you forgot names so easily, you had even sent him your notes and read it off of your iPad and you still couldn’t remember. It was rather embarrassing, and you knew it, as long as you avoided being stuck in a situation where you’d have to say it, you should be fine.

“Sorry for getting so deep this early in the morning,” he glanced at the clock on his laptop. “I tend to get like that around this time, I tend to forget my boundaries this early.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it! I’m the same way, that’s why I usually don’t talk much this early, I’m afraid that I’ll go on some longwinded speech. Sorry if I seemed abrasive at first too, I swear I’m usually really talkative if we spoke in the afternoon instead.”

“Same here, mornings are just not a very good time to meet people, usually. You’re not your usual self yet,” he chuckles. “That’s one thing I learned from three years of neuroscience courses, at the very least,” a small lopsided smile appeared on his face and he sighed.

“I felt that, I know I’m supposed to be maintaining the information I’m learning now, but goodness I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning,” you shook your head.

“Don’t worry about that,” he chuckles. “What matters are your upper divisions anyway, that’s when you learn the technical skills. General ed’s just there just in case you figured that you wanted to do something else,” his voice had a hint of tiredness in it. You’d press more, but you didn’t want to overstep your boundaries with someone you had just met.

“You’ve got a point there,” you thought back on your own choice of major. It was the best choice for you considering your choice in career, which is why you stuck with it despite the multitudes of people who had already switched majors within their first year. You would’ve too if you didn’t have the motivation to continue, but instead here you were, still in biochemistry. “If I’m going to switch majors, this is my last year to do it.”

“That’s true. Once you’re a third year, it’s hard to switch majors, and not to mention expensive. Some credits don’t transfer over either, and you might end up having to take more classes.”

“It would delay my graduation date,” you frowned. “Regardless, I think I’m happy with my major. It’s not as competitive anymore since so many people dropped out,” you admitted bashfully.

“That’s one reason to stay,” he nods. “And there’s no shame in that, either. I’m assuming you’re a medical science emphasis if you’re talking about competition?”

“I am! Some people are so hard to get along with in this emphasis, like we’re all working for the same goal, we should be supporting each other, right?”

“I agree! I can say the same about neuroscience majors. I’ll never understand why everyone’s so willing to shove people out of the boundaries of the race. We’re all working towards the same goal in the end, we should be supportive of each other,” he stops himself before he continues. “Sorry again, I’m a bit passionate on the subject. I’ve always tried to help my classmates whenever I can, but many other classmates of mine think oppositely and I just can’t understand why,” he shakes his head.

“Mm, I understand that, don’t worry. It’s free to be a decent person, I don’t get the rush people are in. Plus, everyone learns differently, it doesn’t hurt to lend a helping hand here and there,” you continued. You were just thinking about how much you admired his ‘Life Without Regrets’ philosophy, but you were really starting to regret the fact that you probably wouldn’t see him again after this conversation in this cafe. Maybe you’d see him in O-Chem every now and then, considering that you both have the same lecture time, but you doubted that you’d ever have a chance to have a full interaction with him again.

“Hey, let me pay you back for the notes,” he offers, eyeing your coffee next to your device. And an opportunity presents itself to you, as if some omnipotent being was listening to your thoughts and decided ‘why not?’ But your consciousness got the better of you.

“No, it’s alright, we’re both struggling through the lectures, so it’s fine! I’m just happy to help out a classmate,” You waved your hands in front of you. You had a slight fear that it would leave you indebted to him in some way, and you couldn’t accept that. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but you could never be too sure in this society.

“No way, I insist. Plus, I’d feel bad if I just studied someone else’s work for free. Let me buy you a drink here sometime.” You had to admit, you couldn’t say no to free coffee. And you could only live off of the cheap 3-in-1s that you got from Walmart for so long. But part of you did feel a little bad for using him for as much as free coffee, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, after all. “Here, I’ll leave you my number,” he grabbed a napkin and scribbled his phone number down, putting his name at the end of it. Thank god. You thought for a moment, there’s no turning back now. You grabbed another napkin and wrote down your own name and number and slid it over to him.

“Sure, same time on Wednesday?”

## II. Friends 

One drink soon became many, and even sooner you bought his coffee as well. It got to the point where you knew each other’s coffee orders. You took yours simply, light sugar, medium creamer, and in medium roast. His was a bit more complicated, no sugar, light creamer, two pumps of hazelnut, and dark roast. And both of your preferred sizes depended on how long you stayed up the night before, and as of late they’ve all been larges.

It was nice, whoever got to Coffee Bean first would buy the other’s drink, which soon became a little competition between the two of you. It would get especially amusing when you’d both walk out at the same time and sprint to the cafe, and it even got to a point that the baristas would run bets on who would make it first. Although it must have been strange to see two students bolting from a lecture hall and across campus but, certainly, somewhat entertaining regardless. The first time this happens, you’ll admit, the sudden realization of everyone in the cafe staring at you was embarrassing, but when Kun simply laughed it off it was like nothing else mattered.

The world was looking a little brighter, you thought, but surely that was just because it was beginning to warm up again, nothing more. But how could that have been possible? It was nearing the winter season, if anything, it should’ve been the opposite. Then again, whenever you would look up all you’d see is clear skies and a bright sun despite the nearing end of the year.

You would also say that you were happy with how this friendship continued on, branching out past the original defining similarity of O-Chem and intertwining with other interests like music, cooking, television shows, video games, and so on. You both even started meeting in other places aside from the cafe, which originated when Coffee Bean was simply filled to the brim and forced the both of you to seek elsewhere for a functional electrical socket, a surprisingly rare occurrence in such a large campus, and a passable amount of shade. Sometimes, when you met up, you wouldn’t even be working on O-Chem, sometimes you’d both just sit together and enjoy each other’s company. Or work on another class, and oftentimes you would end up helping each other regardless.

He learned that you had big dreams for breaking through in the medical field, but under that, you had a secret desire to explore the world. But again, you knew that it wouldn’t pay the bills alone.

You learned that although he’s a neuroscience major, he truly found his passion with his minor in music, he was looking to become a producer, but he knew that it wouldn’t pay the bills alone.

You were his certified beta listener when it came to his assignments and he was your certified work-checker when it came to classes. It was a rather symbiotic relationship, each person benefitting from the other. You had to admit that your grades have been on a steady incline since your friendship with Kun started. It was something you were thankful for, and you had hoped that he could say the same, not that you’d ever ask. Your pride was a fragile characteristic of yours, and you weren’t ready to risk more embarrassment than you already had.

You never really noticed how long it’s been since the start of this friendship until you realized that finals were a mere two weeks away. With study groups suddenly getting serious and study guides being thrown left and right, you found yourself staying up later and later than usual to get caught up with all the work you had mistakenly left for the end of the quarter, something you promised yourself to never do again but here you were. Doing Biology homework that should’ve been done on Week 2. When you felt the table wobble slightly, you looked up and waved hello to your newfound friend.

“Ah, Kun! Funny running into you here,” you exaggerated in a friendly manner when Kun sat across from you.

“Come here often?” He easily matched the tone while he placed his laptop on the table.

“Ahh, you brought the chunky one today.”

“Sadly, yes, and my back certainly made that clear,” Kun laughs. He took the coffee next to yours and chugged it down.

“Long night?”

“You don’t even want to know,” he rolled his eyes. “God, I could pass out right now,” he shakes his head and opens his laptop.

Kun had two laptops, one specifically for music and another specifically for school, the “chunky one,” as you put it, was for music, he got it broken and second hand then had Yangyang, a mutual friend you both surprisingly had, repair it instead of investing into a completely new one. Though you found it as redundant, you understood it from a storage viewpoint. Also, although you’d love to think about the initial shock that was Yangyang running into both of you at this cafe and him getting excited that two of his friends knew each other, you were a bit busy at the moment with the mind boggling mix of phylogenies and punnet squares in the document in front of you.

“Here, listen to this,” he passes his headphones to you and you placed it over your ears without another word, taking a sip from your coffee while waiting for him to play the song. In a few moments, you heard a sweet tune start to play. It started with a simple piano and it soon grew to include more instruments as the melodic ballad played.

Now you didn’t know much about music, you were, at the very least, a casual listener. And despite making that clear to Kun, he only stressed why your input was more than necessary as a ‘casual listener.’ And he had a point, when people listen to music, who is the general audience? The great majority are people who casually listen, people who don’t exactly have a trained ear to piece together the sentiment behind a score. You had always applauded Kun for being able to perfectly capture and display the story of a piece with or without lyrics, and you had always been proud that you got the message every time.

But this piece was different, you were having a hard time reading it. It’s not that it wasn’t pleasing to the ear, it was quite the opposite actually. But you couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it is that he’s going for, and yet at the same time you didn’t want it to end. He was preoccupied with texting someone, so you could probably sneakily rewind the track to the beginning. Slowly moving your hand up to the right side of the headphones, your fingers just barely grazed the replay button when Kun looked up at you and raised an eyebrow, wordlessly signaling that he is fully aware of what it was that you were planning, and you slowly moved your hand back down, listening to the rest of the track. As soon as it was finished, you took the headphones off and nodded.

“Sounds great,” you affirmed. Kun had slight suspicion in his eyes, but nodded regardless. “Great enough for me to want to play it again if you didn’t give me that _look_.”

“What look?”

“ _That_ look, Kun.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the amused smirk contradicted his words and your jaw dropped slightly. “But, aside from my apparently famous “look…” What do you think it’s about?”

“Hmm,” this was normal for him to ask. He always said that if someone who wasn’t in the music program could interpret the song then the score would be finished. “It’s a ballad.”

“It is.”

“No lyrics yet.”

“Not yet, Dejun’s been busy.”

“It feels kind of… nostalgic? Is that the right word for it?”

“Sure, we’ll go with it,” he drinks more of his coffee and scrolls through the score. “What else?”

“I feel like it’s a kind of song that would be addressed to…” you trailed off, trying to think of the right words to describe it. You pursed your lips slightly, going through a list of nouns in your head to finish the sentence, but regardless, none of them truly fit except for one that you just couldn’t feel confident in. You figured that more of the song fit the nostalgic element, leaving something you once loved behind. But what it was that was left behind is something that you just couldn’t understand.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” He instantly turned his attention to you.

“No! It’s embarrassing,” you laughed, realizing that it must’ve been easily read on your forehead how hard you were thinking about the meaning of the score.

“Are you sure about that?” He pries.

You wanted to say that it was about lost love, that’s the vibes that you got from it. But at the same time, you felt like it wasn’t exactly _there_. You couldn’t exactly feel that from the score, but you knew that was what he was going for. You couldn’t exactly explain it, well, you could, kind of. It felt like a song you would’ve listened to when you and your ex broke up, at least. But at the same time it was just missing something. Maybe it was because you just hated your ex, so you couldn’t really relate to a song that was a callback to the old days of a relationship, or maybe there was some aspect about it that was missing from the already beautiful score.

“I was going to say childhood lost,” you cooled yourself down and went back to your notes. You figured you’d go for the safer and less embarrassing interpretation.

“Is that so? I’m going to have to rework it then,” he bit the inside of his cheek and went to the beginning.

“How come?” You asked.

“The assignment was to make a breakup song, ironically,” Kun answered absently.

Well, turns out your initial thoughts were correct after all.

“Let me guess, you’ve never been in a relationship?” You teased.

“No, actually,” he admitted. You nearly choked on your coffee. Now you’ve known Kun long enough, you’d think, he was an attractive person with an equally attractive personality, you were surprised that he wasn’t taken, or ever taken at all, to be honest.

“Well, you’re not missing out on anything,” you scoffed thinking about your ex. Your phone buzzed on the table and Kun naturally looked at it, as most people do when a phone goes off, but you were quick to flip it over, and maybe too harshly at that. Perhaps it was some kind of reflex from your last relationship. “Oh, sorry,” you cleared your throat.

“No, no, it’s fine, I don’t know why I looked anyway,” Kun had on an awkward smile.

“No, really, I was a bit brash. I’m just, I don’t like it when people try to look… at my phone…” your voice faded off as you realized how ridiculous each word that came out of your mouth was. “Wow, that sounded ridiculous,” you snickered to yourself.

“Oh, no, not at all! I get it, I have a friend who’s the same way,” Kun explains. “If you don’t mind me asking, is that just a you thing or…?” You could tell that he meant well.

“My ex used to demand that he was allowed to go through my phone whenever he wanted, and after I denied him so many times he got impatient and just did it while I was asleep. So I guess my trust issues when it comes to my phone are some kind of residual effect of that,” you answered him easily, again, you’ve known each other long enough to be somewhat comfortable with things like this. “Oh, don’t worry about it, though! I’ve effectively cut him out of my life,” you reassured him.

“Oh, okay, I was about to say you should be more careful… people like that tend to try to stick around,” Kun says. “I’d know from a similar experience,” he mentions. You chose not to continue that conversation.

“Before I forget,” you reached into your bag and pulled out a small box, holding it out to him with an expectant look.

“What’s this for? My birthday isn’t for another month and a half, you know,” he takes the small box and shakes it gently.

“Just a thank you for that time in the convenience store,” you whistled. Embarrassingly enough, you never really remembered that it was him who paid for your friend’s latte until recently, when your friend was borderline blackout drunk and telling you how thankful she was for you buying her things while she was running late. The spiel she continuously rambled on about brought back the previously insignificant memory to you, and you had become horribly self-conscious at the thought that Kun most likely remembered it when you didn’t.

“Oh really? I thought you forgot about that,” he joked with you.

“Ugh, I knew you’d remember,” you pouted slightly and he laughed a bit louder, still aware of the other cafe goers.

“I just figured that you were in such a rush that you didn’t notice,” he opens the box and pulls out a small pin. It was a standard black music note, an eighth note if we’re getting technical, that had a thin gold border around it.

“I know, I know, it’s not much, and it’s kind of lame, but I never properly thanked you for helping me out that day. I figured that since you love music so much, and you have a tendency to kind of neglect your natural musical talent when you get stressed out, maybe you needed a reminder every now and then. I didn’t want to get you anything too flashy, so when I saw that simple one I thought, ‘Oh! Kun would love this!’ and I bought it right away.”

“I love it, thank you, (Y/N),” he pins it onto his backpack right away, and although you felt some strange feeling of exhilaration in your chest, you brushed it off to be that normal feeling of gratification when someone accepts your gift, especially when you’ve put much thought into it.

As you and Kun continued to have your weekly meetups, which quickly became more frequent than once a week, you could say that you were confident in the friendship that was blooming, it was one that you welcomed if anything. You both even started branching out to other areas aside from the cafe, just to shake things up a bit, you know? Soon, face to face conversations became texts, texts became phone calls, and phone calls became face times. The two of you got closer every day.

“Hey!” One morning, your friend stopped you. “I got invited to a party yesterday, and I can bring a plus one, wanna come?” She asks. You thought about it for a minute, you were never the type to go to things like these. But, then again, you also haven’t relaxed and let loose for a while. Your friend was kind enough to ask, so who were you to turn her down? She probably just wanted you to relax a little, and you couldn’t fault her for that.

“Sure. I’m down.”

It turned out to be one of those “end-of-the-quarter-but-before-finals” parties. You just wanted to have some fun for once without having to worry about anything else, really. You could always study for those exams when you got home and had time to clear your mind. Though you had to admit you were more of a wallflower when it came to these, you weren’t one to really get into the party, tended to stay away from the mosh pits and the clouds of smoke, but you also weren’t the kind to just watch what was going on. As long as you stuck by your friend, it would be fine, you figured. It’s not that you weren’t a social person, per se, it was just that the odds of ever seeing these people again were nearly zero to none, why waste the effort?

But you did keep your drinking to a minimum, you still had to walk home, and it’s dangerous at night. You’ll never forgive your parents for drilling into your head that you didn’t need a car since you lived so close to campus. Pepper spray can only get you so far if you weren’t careful. You checked the time on your phone, it had already gotten late, fifteen to midnight, aka there was a 90% chance of you getting kidnapped if you left alone right now.

“So, yeah, I’m not really sure how we should—” you looked up to your friend to ask her what she thought was the best option to get home, only to realize that your friend was missing. The empty spot where she once stood led to the noticeable red rising up your face, how long had she been gone? You must’ve looked insane talking to yourself. You leaned against the wall with a huff, looking around the room for where the drunk as fuck girl could have gone, but instead, your eyes caught a different familiar face.

“Kun?” You walked up to him and shook his shoulder. Another person approached you.

“Hey, do you know him?” He asks. You were fully ready to tell him to back off if he made a move on you, wouldn’t have been the first time someone tried to take you into a private room at this party.

“Yeah, we’re in O-Chem together,” you explained.

“Oh, hey, nice to meet you. I’m Sicheng,” he introduces. Something told you he wasn’t going to try to shoot his shot, which you greatly appreciated after having to tell six other guys to fuck off in the last hour alone. “I’m sorry to ask you this, but could you bring him back to his place? I’d do it myself, but I’ve got… other _things_ to deal with…” He gestures towards the two drunk boys dancing on the countertop to whatever trashy beats the DJ was playing. Next to them you watched your friend walk into the hallway with her ex-boyfriend, and admittedly the two had a notorious on and off relationship, and you had to weigh your options. Next to you was a passed out Kun, probably drunk out of his mind if he fell asleep here, and across the room was your friend looking like she was having the time of her life.

Well, she’d probably tell you to go with the former option, actually has before in different contexts, you knew which one you had to do the most.

“Oh, yeah, I can do that. Good luck with whatever that is,” you said. He handed you the keys and airdropped you the address.

“Thanks, I owe you a ton,” he says. “Xuxi! Hendery! Get off the table!” He shouts, walking up to them. You sighed and held onto the keys tightly, shaking Kun’s shoulder to try to get him to wake up.

“Kun. Kun, let’s get you home. Come on, now,” you said softly. He stirred slightly, but remained passed out.

“Here, let me help you with that,” Sicheng comes back. You look over his shoulder and see that Xuxi and Hendery were back on the floor, still drunk, and still dancing, but at least safer.

“Yeah, thanks,” you both slung one of Kun’s arms over your shoulders and started to make your way through the party. Right as you turned a corner you ran straight into someone and, after stumbling slightly and with the help of Sicheng, you were luckily able to prevent Kun from falling at the expense of your now drenched shirt.

“Oh _fuck_ , I’m so sorry,” the man in front of you was quick to react, stepping away from you and giving you your space.

“Don’t worry about it, I was just on my way out,” you waved your hand in front of you.

“Oh, shit, what happened to Kun?” The man turned his attention to the half-asleep man in between you and Sicheng.

“Drunk himself to sleep,” Sicheng rolled his eyes. “That’s Ten, by the way, (Y/N). Man of the hour,” Sicheng introduced the two of you.

“So this is (Y/N)? Kun talks about you a _lot_ ,” Ten had a drunken smile on his face, and you had no clue how to interpret that.

“All good things, I hope,” you laughed awkwardly.

“ _Only_ good things,” Sicheng reassures you.

“ _Too many_ good things,” Ten winks at you. “Though, if you’re looking for someone funner than Mr. Supposed-To-Be-Our-Designated-Driver-But-He-Accidentally-Drank-Hendery’s-Jungle-Juice here,” Ten poked Kun’s forehead but he remained semi-asleep.

“Hendery made that? It doesn’t even look drinkable,” Sicheng grimaces.

“Yes, I will admit I failed our younger friend in that sense, but nothing practice can’t fix,” Ten sighs and drapes himself along the wall.

“Right, (Y/N) here is going to drop Kun off at his place for me,” Sicheng explains.

“Oh yeah?” Ten raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, because if I left the other five of you here alone I’m pretty sure we’d have to run from the cops again.”

“Fair enough,” Ten nods.

“Right then,” Sicheng clears his throat.

“Why’d I know that Kun was going to be a lightweight?” Ten rolled his eyes. “Looks like you’ve got him handled, anyway, Dejun’s yelling at my house plants again so I should stop him before he does anything stupider. Be careful, it’s late out,” Ten walked past you and into the room next to you, muffled shouts came from within but you had more pressing matters to take care of. You both dragged him out of the house and out into the cold winter night.

“His car’s that one over there,” Sicheng nods his head in the direction of it and you both made it there. You unlocked his car and Sicheng pushed Kun into the passenger’s seat. “Thanks again, I had no clue that Kun wasn’t good a drinking. If I knew I wouldn’t have pressured him into coming with us. He just seemed so tense lately, so me and the guys figured he could take a break. Plus I’m afraid of what might happen if we just left him alone in there…”

“Oh, it’s all good, I’ll make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”

“Sounds great, thanks,” Sicheng waves at you. “I’m going to get back before the others break something.”

“For sure, bye,” you watched him leave before entering the car yourself.

You pulled out of the house’s street and listened to the directions from your phone. You drove slowly, whether that was because you yourself had minimal alcohol in your system or if it was because Kun as asleep next to you, you had no clue. Well, it was more likely because of the sticky… _whatever_ that was dripping down your black shirt, good thing you didn’t opt for white tonight, you couldn’t wait to get home and wash it off. Eventually, after what you felt like was double the expected time, you pulled up to the apartment and now came the harder part.

You ended up trying to wake him up again, and when he finally opened his eyes you didn’t ignore how they were slightly glossed over.

“Kun, we’re here at your apartment now, let’s get you to bed,” you explained to him.

“Ten?”

“(Y/N),” you corrected him.

“Oh, (Y/N), what are you doing here?” You helped him out of the car and slung his arm over your shoulder again, walking over to the elevator. “Oh… would you look at that,” his words were slightly slurred.

“Talk about luck,” you read through the ‘Out of Service’ sign again just in case you read it wrong the first time. “Is there another elevator we could take?” You asked, not really wanting to walk up the dauntingly steep stairs. He shook his head and you resigned yourself to your fate.

“Alright then, one step at a time,” you didn’t know if that motivation was for you or for him, but you began to slowly guide him up the concrete staircase. You both stumbled a few times, but not enough to fall down. You make it to the apartment unscathed, and he opens it himself. It was then, when you saw the clock inside, that you realized how late it had gotten, and how your apartment was on the whole other side of campus. It was dangerous right now, but you didn’t really have a choice.

You led him inside to make sure he doesn’t slip and hit his head anywhere, and you let him collapse on his bed while you looked around to see if he had any Advil and water to leave out for him tomorrow. If he was this drunk he was going to need it. You were surprised that you’ve never been here, actually, he’s been to your apartment a number of times already. You shook that thought out of your head when you finally found the medicine cabinet.

You finally found what you were looking for and placed it onto his nightstand. You were about to walk off when you noticed something attached to the lampshade, it really only caught your eye because of the way the moonlight reflected off of it, but you were surprised to see it. You grazed your finger over the small music note pin softly. Next to the lamp was another surprising keepsake of his, at first glance you would’ve thought it was trash, but when you flipped it over your messy handwriting was the first thing you saw, you didn’t expect him to keep this at all. But you found the gesture to be sweet, one thing you learned about Kun was that he always appreciated the smaller things.

You grabbed your bag, pulling your pepper spray out to have it ready, and you were about to leave when Kun reached out and grasped onto your wrist gently. You almost pepper sprayed him out of shock, but thankfully you had forgotten to unlock the darn thing before you brandished it.

Yeah, he doesn’t need to know about that any time soon.

“It’s late right now,” his words weren’t as slurred as earlier, but they had a rather lazy tone to them instead. “You should stay the night.”

He had a point.

“No, I couldn’t impose,” you insisted and tried to pull away, but Kun tugged you back slightly.

“I’d never forgive myself if anything happened on your way back. This area’s dangerous at night…” he continued. You immediately thought back to what you saw while driving over here, it was a known fact that, despite how prestigious your university was, the neighborhoods around it weren’t as… _safe_.

“Yeah, you’re right. Fine,” you conceded. You had to admit that part of you wanted to stay anyway, it was only your upbringing that held you back.

He pulls himself off of the bed, shaking his head slowly to regain his senses, and walks over to his dresser, pulling out a shirt and joggers then handing them to you.

“Sorry, they’re going to be big, but it’s better than wearing your clothes from earlier,” you could tell that he was slightly sobering up, but not enough to be fully aware of what was going on, you think. You didn’t think he was conscious when you ran into Ten but he was always one the surprise you.

“It’s good, I’ll take the couch.”

“No, no, I can’t let you do that. I’ll sleep there, you take the bed. It’s better for your back.”

“Alright, whatever you say, Kun,” you didn’t feel like arguing. You went to the bathroom and changed into the loose fitting clothes, you didn’t want to bother him about showering so you did the next best thing and used the basin instead, you could pay him back for all the paper towels you used later. Once you were finished, you walked back out only to find that he had ended up passed out on the bed anyway, and you definitely didn’t have the motivation to wake him up for a third time tonight, so you defaulted back to your previous plan. “And, to the couch I go.”

You didn’t want to overstep your boundaries, even though you’ve both known each other for quite some time now, you didn’t know where you stood with him. So you curled up on the surprisingly comfortable couch and knocked out.

When you had woken up yourself you had already noticed hushed sounds coming from the kitchen, alongside the unmistakable aroma of pancakes, you could tell that he was probably trying his best to stay quiet so as to not wake you up. You were surprised that Kun had woken up before you, considering how out of it he was last night, but at least you knew he was okay now. You combed your hand through your messy hair and walked into the bathroom, putting on the same clothes from yesterday and folding the ones you had borrowed. Then, you walked into the kitchen right as he plated the eggs and pancakes.

“Hey, good morning,” he greeted. There was something about him that early in the day that made your heart drum against your chest.

“Hi,” you waved your hand slowly. You took a seat at the table and he put two plates down. Maybe it was your slightly buzzed brain but you couldn’t stop glancing over at him, there was something about him that you didn’t notice before.

“Sorry, I don’t remember much last night, did something happen?” There was a bit of worry in his voice.

“Nope, you just passed out after drinking too much then your friend asked me to take you back here,” you explained.

“Which friend?”

“Sicheng, I think his name was.”

“Oh, that’s it?” He sat down and put a hand against his head, you could tell he was trying hard to remember what happened last night.

“Yeah, aside from the fact that the host Ten ran into me and spilled whatever concoction that jungle juice was all over me… But yeah, don’t worry about it, Kun, you’re lucky you have such good friends,” you said with a smile. “Honestly, my friends probably would’ve left me passed out,” you finished with a tired laugh.

“Some friends.”

“Right?” You both fell to silence while you finished up breakfast. “Well, I should probably get back to my place now,” you cleared your throat and grabbed your purse from the seat next to you.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Kun grabbed the plates and placed them in the sink before following you to the front.

“Thanks for the breakfast, Kun,” you didn’t know what else to say in this situation really. But, part of you wanted to cross that line, the point of no return. Maybe you should say something? Maybe you should try taking things one step further with Kun. You could comfortably say that, despite how awkward this morning has been, you’ve actually never felt more, well, _comfortable_.

“Wait,” he stopped you. You’d never say this aloud, let alone tell anyone this, but you were secretly hoping that he was thinking the same as you.

“Hmm?”

Neither of you knew this, but your thoughts were synced, you both thought of the same thing at this very moment, you both wanted the same thing, but you were both too scared to say anything.

“Do you want me to drive you home? I think you mentioned something about your apartment being on the other side of campus.”

You didn’t know what he was going to say but you really weren’t expecting _that_. You weren’t disappointed, no way, if anything you were grateful that he offered.

“I’d like that a lot, thanks,” you nodded your head.

You didn’t know why you psyched yourself up, expecting him to say something else. The two of you were only friends, after all, you couldn’t knock that out of the ballpark, there’s no way he’d reciprocate your feelings romantically, right? That’s not how things worked, it was never that easy.

You thought that you understood love, having gone through it before and having to reel yourself back in from losing it after. But you never really understood how simple and how easy it was to fall into it. And you were more afraid of how you were going to recover from it. Humans are, in their basic DNA, social creatures. Even the most introverted of people craved to at least speak to _someone_ once in a while, maybe that was your explanation there.

To love and be loved, one can deny it all they want, but every person experiences it one way or another. The mentality could be applied to anything, to want friends, to want validation, to want familiarity, it’s a basic necessity. So basic to the point that no one truly acknowledges it until it’s lost, and it’s so necessary to the point that once it’s gone it could completely break down a person.

You shook your head, why were you even thinking about that? You looked at the clock on Kun’s dashboard, it read 8:00 am.

Oh, that’s why.

The ride was silent, save for when you’d tell him directions on how to get to your apartment, and once he pulled into the parking lot, you both exchanged quick goodbyes.

“Thanks,” you finally said.

“It’s no problem. Thank you for making sure that I didn’t make a fool out of myself at that party,” he says. You both stayed like that for a while, sitting still in his car, and with no words exchanged. You didn’t want to leave. And, truthfully, you hoped that he didn’t want you to leave either.

“I’ll go now,” you pointed towards the door and opened it, taking your seatbelt off and stepping out of the car.

“Bye.”

“Bye,” you closed the door and walked into your apartment’s gates.

The next day played out as you expected it to. You both had met up in the cafe as usual, but you had to admit that something felt different. It was very subtle, but you could feel the awkward undertones. It was like that first day the two of you had met and, how fitting, it was at the very same table too.

It was near the end of this time you usually spent together, right before you left for class, when he spoke up.

“Hey… do you want grab dinner tomorrow night?”

## III. Lovers 

Butterflies were the only thing that filled your stomach that night. You could barely swallow down any food, you were so nervous. You didn’t know why, it’s not like that was the first time you and Kun ate together, but that time was just _different._ You couldn’t necessarily put your finger on it. It just felt different, and it was a welcome different.

Even then as you sat across him, eating dinner in silence, it was different. You hoped that you weren’t too rigid, or at the very least that it wasn’t noticeable. Why did you try so hard to impress him? You’ve known each other for nearly half a year at that time, there wasn’t much to hide from one another then.

“I’d say tell me about yourself, but there’s not much to say,” Kun tried to break the silence. You fought back a laugh, but it escaped anyway.

“God, why are we so tense? It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve done something like this,” you smiled. Kun laughed alongside you.

“That’s just what I was thinking,” he said. “Look at us two lovestruck fools,” he shook his head. He caught himself quickly, looking as if he had made an assumption he shouldn’t have.

“Look at us two lovestruck fools indeed,” you confirmed with a small teasing tone. The mood was significantly lighter, and the two of you began talking as you usually did. And soon everything started falling into place, that feeling of familiarity that was in your friendship began to lurk into what was now more intimate, and you couldn’t say that you minded at all.

“I don’t know if I said it, but you look great tonight, (Y/N),” he cleared his throat.

“Come to think of it you didn’t mention it earlier,” you poked fun at him. “You look good too,” you were secretly hoping that he’d notice. The only times that the both of you had met up was when you couldn’t have a single care in the world for how you looked like, but suddenly when he asked you to dinner that mentality was thrown out of the window. And you could see it was at least a bit similar on his end too.

That date was the first of many, obviously. With a new relationship always came new thrills. You felt like it moved by so fast. You and Kun were able to skip right past the ‘get-to-know-each-other’ stage and progressed immediately to the ‘honeymoon’ stage. Lighthearted jokes, hand holding, warm cuddles, cooking together, dancing like nobody’s watching, spending nights under the stars, the two of you did it all.

It was like nothing you had ever thought of. You had been in love before but never was it like this. And it wasn’t like you could say that every day was something excitingly new because it wasn’t, and that’s what you enjoyed so much about it. So much has changed from when you and Kun were originally friends, but at the same time it felt like nothing had changed at all. Still there were those bursts of sudden excitement, to be hit with the joy that was being hopelessly in love is one, you’d think, that anyone would want to feel at least once in their life and, now that you really knew how it felt, you never wanted to let it go.

You don’t know what brought you to reminiscing about that time. It’s been quite a while since that first date actually, almost a year now to be exact. Oh how time could fly, it felt just like yesterday you airdropped your notes to him, and now you were resting peacefully next to him, your head pressed gently against his shoulder, while he finished typing up his final paper. But regardless, not much has changed. Only now you knew that when you’d come to visit you’d know that he was waiting for you, which was true the other way around as well, and even though you are now at that delicate part of the relationship where you didn’t feel butterflies in your stomach every time you saw him, all you needed was to know that he was there.

Just to know that you’d both support each other, that’s what you needed the most in a relationship, you had later realized. Just watching him type away would be something anyone would find boring, but as long as you were with him that’s what mattered, right? Occasionally he’d ask you for your opinion on something he was writing and you’d offer your input, praises or corrections alike. He was working on his graduation paper and, obviously, a lot rode on this simple collection of twenty-five pages, and you wanted nothing more than to offer your support. You had suggested that you could help him find the appropriate articles and journals, but he insisted that all he wanted you to do was to spend time with him, and truth be told you never really realized how helpful that was until you arrived that morning and saw him falling asleep at the table.

Support gives support. Like a bond has been formed between the both of you, you both helped each other through the worst, but such was expected in a relationship, was it not? To make up for what the other lacks in a way that was romantically endearing, and to use experiences to solidify those bonds and make them stronger. By this time you had already seen the worst in each other, you would think, and you have already ironed out all the details, but even so, there were the small hiccups here and there. But that was natural, wasn’t it? The normal cardiogram of life, what mattered is that you both worked to make sure it wouldn’t flatline.

It started out rather innocently, you’d say. Kun let out a soft sigh and gently took your hand in his, and slowly he began to trace patterns over it. Now this was a rather normal thing that would happen in the relationship, to the point that you’ve come to notice that he would do it more often the more stressed out he was. And you wondered what was bothering him, it couldn’t have been the paper, truth be told he’s been finished with it, just constantly editing and making sure his sources were correct. It had to have been something else, right? After shutting his laptop and placing it on the nightstand, he held onto your hand and you reciprocated.

“Are you okay, Kun?” You asked him. You looked up at him, but he looked to the ceiling, another prolonged sigh escaping his mouth. “Do you want to talk about it?” He pulled your arm around him and held you close to him, your ear was now pressed against his chest and you could feel the rapid thrum that beat against it.

“Maybe later,” he finally answered. “Let’s just stay like this, okay?” His voice had a hint of pleading in it, and you wondered if there was something behind it, some secret he was keeping from you.

“Okay,” you replied. “I don’t have a problem with it,” you tried to bring up the mood again, and with a soft chuckle, he pulled you onto his lap and nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Ugh, you’re gross,” you laughed, playing with his hair. You’re not really sure when the mood started to change really, nor did you notice when those nuzzles became more sensual. But after a small bite you found yourself under him rather quickly. He had long moved on from your neck and to your lips instead, the gesture could’ve been seen as sweet if his hands weren’t progressively increasing their strength around your wrists, it was enough to keep them down but not enough to induce pain. But still there was something different, something was off about this encounter that you couldn’t quite place.

“Are you okay?” He asks you. It was a confirmation, you thought.

“Yeah, you?” You were still breathless from the encounter.

“Yeah,” this time you were the one to start, freeing one of your hands from his and pulling him down on top of you. The kiss only got more heated, and you knew where it was going to go once he tapped the hem of your shirt. With a quick nod, it was off in seconds, and, as it usually goes, his was too. Lingering touches at just the right places was enough to set the both of you off. Tugs at belts and waistbands were all that was needed to signal that the other was ready for more. Though you had to admit, you were more inclined to try to be quieter this time, you didn’t want anyone to come banging at the door this time, and luckily it would seem that Kun was on the same page. “Tell me if I’m going too fast, alright?”

“Mmhmm,” your cheeks were flushed red, and it only got worse the further down his hand moved until it was right in front of that sweet area that only he had access to. You never really knew how much of a tease Kun was until the first time you had sex with him, and he certainly hasn’t changed since. Always asking you to tell him if he was going “too fast” when you wanted nothing more than for him to speed up, if anything. He moved the fabric out of the way, slowly dragging it down your leg until it was completely off, and once he tossed it off the bed he traced his hand up the inside of your thigh. “Just do it already,” your voice wavered slightly and he chuckled against your neck.

“Haven’t we had a talk about you being impatient?” He quirks an eyebrow and you shut your mouth, bringing your hand to your face and shutting your eyes tightly while he pushed his fingers into you, allowing you time to adjust before he continued. He moved your hand away from your mouth and moved forwards, once again interlocking your lips together in a sloppy convergence.

You had to admit that sparks always flew whenever your lips would do so much as brush against each other. It felt like a recharge if anything, constant energy being added to one another, that’s another way to put it, you’d think.

“Tell me to stop if it starts to hurt, okay?” Another request for consent.

Ah? When did we get here?

“Okay,” you answered him again. He pushed into you carefully at first, making sure to keep your needs above his as always. You hummed out a quiet moan once he finally started to pull out then back in.

It was a gratifying thing, obviously. And one that didn’t happen very often, contrary to popular belief. Times like this were scarce between you and Kun, not because the other was busy, only because sex wasn’t particularly a _necessity_ in the relationship, and never was it anything more than sensual, neither of you were the type to get particularly “wild,” or however Ten would put it when he tried to tap into the nature of your sexual life, when it came to the act, it was always somewhat vanilla and to the point. The only times either of you would initiate it was when one or the other was stressed or… Your inner thoughts stopped, you looked up again, locking eyes with your lover for another time that night, he always did well to keep his emotions hidden, but you could tell better than anyone now. You released the sheets from your hold and moved your hands to the sides of his face, pulling him into another kiss again.

Electricity, again. Like enthalpy, both sides give and take to create a reaction. Your hands moved to the back of his head and you tugged at his hair lightly, then down to his shoulders, trying to hold onto anything while you reached that final point of climax.

What could have been bothering him, you couldn’t help but wonder.

And you were still wondering about it when you stepped out of the shower. Kun had finished long before you and was back to work on his laptop. You dried your hair with the towel and tossed it in the laundry bin. You moved under the blanket this time, while you watched him work.

“You’re faster at changing the sheets now,” you laughed lazily and Kun rubbed the top of your head affectionately before pulling you closer to him again.

“I know that if I didn’t fix them before you came out you’d give me hell for it,” he kissed the crown of your head and you laughed again.

“Because it’s like… gross,” you couldn’t deny that you were in a light-hearted move at this point. “I’m so tired,” you yawned.

“I bet,” Kun’s voice had a knowing tone in it and you jabbed his side, after a quick wince he placed his laptop on the nightstand again and returned the favor tenfold.

“Ah! Mercy, mercy, you win!” You grabbed his hands while in your fit of giggles and while his own laughter subsided he sunk down into his bed.

“You’re such a handful, did you know that?” He said quietly while you moved closer to him.

“Yeah… but I’m your handful…” you yawned. Kun reached over and shut off the lights, settling in completely before you finally felt him relax. “Can I ask a weird question?”

“You always do, silly girl,” he cradles you close to him and you let out a tired snicker.

“Don’t laugh, promise?”

“Promise.”

“Theoretically, if you had a son or daughter—” Kun’s eyes suddenly widened at this. “Oh, god, fuck, okay no I’m not pregnant!”

“Oh! Okay, okay… I was just shocked for a moment,” Kun cleared his throat and you eyed him suspiciously. “Not that I would be mad if you were! I was just surprised at how direct you were and I was trying to figure out what happened… or more specifically when.”

“No, no… it’s nothing like that! Promise! I was just kidding, Kun, plus I don’t think that would be an easy conversation to have with yours or my parents,” you nudged his chest gently. “But anyway, what would you name them?”

“Um…” Kun hummed softly. “Honestly, I haven’t really thought about it much.”

“That’s fair, it’s a pretty niche subject. I was just curious because my cousin invited us to her baby shower,” you thought back to your cousin’s impromptu text that morning, you were both rather close growing up but had since drifted apart once college started, so you were surprised she reached out to you, and insisted that you brought your boyfriend with you, which was a strange request in and of itself, but you just brushed it off as her family being the only one that hasn’t met Kun yet.

“The one who’s weirdly into retro pop?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Oh, interesting, I haven’t met her yet,” Kun pulled the blanket higher over both of you.

“And for good reason, she’s the one who locked me in the closet for three hours when I was, like, six or something.”

“Six hours?!”

“Yeah, she said we were playing cops and robbers and the closet was jail so I cried for like two of those hours until my aunt found me.”

“What happened then?”

“She got scolded and held this mini grudge towards me for like the rest of our lives, she nitpicks at everything I do now, it’s ridiculous.”

“All that over a game? Hm,” Kun frowns. “But for your first question, I’ll have to think about it a little more.”

“Mm… don’t worry too much about it, it was just a silly,” you glanced at the clock. “Three a.m. question,” you murmured.

“Is it really that late?” He looks over to the clock too. “I guess that’s our cue to go to sleep.”

“Agreed,” you yawned again and sunk further into the bed. “Good night, Kun.”

“Good night,” he responds.

The number of times you wanted to tell him how much you loved him, even so now you wanted to hold him in your arms and shower him with praises, and it was only your dignity held you back from doing so, but you could comfortably say that you didn’t think that you would ever love this way again. There was just that _spark_ , that flicker of vitality that kept the relationship alive and well. Maybe it wasn’t that you couldn’t love this way again, it was that you didn’t want to.

The next morning, he was heating up leftovers in the microwave when you walked out, sitting on the kitchen countertop first thing as you usually did.

“Hey, Kun?” You figured you’d ask again, the idea still in your head despite the good night’s rest.

“Coffee?” He asks.

“Uh… yeah, sure,” you replied. Maybe you shouldn’t.

“What were you going to say?” He asks while he turned on the coffee machine.

“I love you,” your heart still skipped a beat every time you said it. He turned around and looked at you, a soft smile on his features.

“I love you too,” he answered. You’d never get used to hearing it, whether it was the validation from it or the rush of serotonin that came from it, it was probably your favorite phrase to hear. But there was still something _off_ about it.

He was hiding something from you, and you could only fear the worst.

He handed you a mug and pulled up a chair at the table, sitting in it wordlessly while you blew on the liquid softly, which really did nothing to cool it. You just felt awkward at this moment. Awkward, a situation you never thought you’d be in when you were with Kun. You saw the gears in his head working, turning over and over again. Should you pry? Should you say something?

“Kun,” your voice cut through the silence. He said nothing but looked up at you. You pushed off of the counter and sat across from him. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Then came something you would’ve never expected. Kun put his hands against his head and his elbows fell against the table while he finally let go and you were quick to move next to him, pulling him into your arms again while he sobbed. You watched the tears pool amongst the table and you hated that you couldn’t do anything about it.

“I can’t do it, (Y/N),” he finally said.

“Can’t do what?”

“I’m so close to finally getting to my dream but…” he trailed off. You knelt down and looked up at him, holding his hands in yours.

“It’s your family again, isn’t it?”

This wasn’t a new topic between the two of you. The very same reason why Kun had to give up so many years of his life, years he could’ve put towards himself, years he could’ve used to become more successful, they were all taken from him. He agreed to one year, initially. One year he had worked multiple jobs to support the hospital bills and repay the loans, but the situation only got worst. His parents had told him not to worry about them, that they could handle the bills on their own, and they urged him to finish school, to achieve and reach heights they didn’t. Even now, according to what Kun was telling you, they had tried to keep it a secret from him as for how bad the situation got. And it wasn’t like you were on their bad side, oh no, his parents adored you, his father praised you for bringing their son back and his mother was glad to finally have another woman to talk to, so it couldn’t have been anything bad, right?

“They called me yesterday to tell me what had been happening,” you felt slightly alleviated by that. At least they were talking.

Then you realized why he was acting so strange.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

That would explain so much, why he was suddenly agreeing to do all the things you asked him to, all the sudden dates despite his busy schedules.

“Kun, it’s okay, you can tell me.”

You knew what he was going to say already, of course you did. All of yesterday up to this point had been a strange time for you, constantly trying to figure out what was going on his head, and why he was acting so different than usual.

But last night wasn’t a _strange_ night, you realized, it was a goodbye.

You opened your mouth to ask him again, but quickly shut it when you finally pieced two and two together.

Kun was a good man. He’d do anything for his family and that much was made clear to you by his mother, who had informed you of the situation long ago and had begged you not to tell him, to keep him from digging deeper because the both of you knew that Kun would drop anything and everything to help them.

Even you.

He finally answered, “I’m flying back home tonight.”

You didn’t know what to say to that.

“Tonight…?” You asked him again for confirmation.

“Yeah.”

“When did you get the tickets?” You asked him. He looked away again, his brows furrowed with frustration, but with a deep breath they relaxed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, ignoring your last question. Then a horrid realization dawned on you, one that you never expected to come from Kun.

“You went through my phone?” You tried to keep your voice stable, but your feelings betrayed you. It was the one thing you made him promise to never do, and he had known never to do it since long before the relationship.

“Answer me,” his voice was stern.

“No, wait, hold on! What could’ve possibly made you want to go through my own private messages without even asking me?!” You were starting to get mad for a whole different reason. But you needed to stay on topic, this was how tragedies happened. You calmed down and stood up, moving back to your seat across from him “Your mother made me promise not to tell,” you finally answered.

“And you listened to her?!” The sudden outburst surprised you.

“What was I supposed to do?! Tell her no?” You were confused, why was he so upset anyway?

“No, no, there was nothing else you could’ve said, but at the same time, I just can’t believe that you didn’t at least tell me that the situation had gotten that bad! If you would’ve told me that she wanted me to stay out of it I would’ve respected that!” He was offended. It was such a simple thing, you had to agree, but from what you knew about the situation it wasn’t that easy.

“They just didn’t want you to worry, Kun.”

“Well I’m worrying more now that they’re living in a hostel just to get by than I would’ve if any of you had just told me what was going on!” He shouts. You clenched your jaw, not knowing how to respond to him. You only did what his parents wanted, you had no right to go against them.

“My turn. Why did you go through my phone?” You sat back and crossed your arms.

“I’m not—”

“No, Kun, I said my part. Now you do yours.” You knew Kun was no stranger to how protective you were over your privacy, hell, it was the whole reason why you broke up with your ex in the first place, your ex who demanded that he be a part of every single aspect of your life and you knew you had to end that before that ended you. Maybe to some it was rather petty that you were upset that he went through your phone, but it was more than that. It was an entire violation of trust, in your eyes. You didn’t know what question to ask yourself, did you do something wrong or did he? Kun wasn’t the type, you would think, to go through your things unprompted. You must’ve done something too, but he should’ve known better and just asked.

“You were spending a lot of time with that study group of yours—”

“Oh my god,” you laughed out of pure disbelief, not meaning to cut him off, but that’s what happened. “You really thought I’d be as low to use a study group as an excuse to cheat on you?! You really thought that I would be as low as to even consider the thought of cheating on you? Is that it, Kun?! Did I do something so questionable that it would lead you to think that I was seeing someone else behind your back? You really think that I’m _that_ disloyal?!”

“No! No,” Kun was quick to defend himself, and if he didn’t stop you where he did you surely would’ve said something that you would’ve later come to regret. “It’s just that I was talking to Yangyang and he said that you and some other guy in your study group were starting to act weird.”

“Figured, you’d trust _Yangyang_ over your own girlfriend,” to say you were hurt was an understatement at the point. “Plus… I told you about that,” you glared at him. Kun’s expression dropped and you knew that expression on him. No, there’s no way he just _forgot_.

“I told you that he kept following me home, remember? That’s why I asked you for a pair of your shoes to leave outside, so he would just fuck off. Don’t tell me you forgot,” your voice started to rise again and you caught yourself before you could get too frustrated. Then it occurred to you that the night you told him he was rather busy, it was the same night you had quickly made your way to his apartment to ask for the pair of shoes, you had only informed him of the situation quickly and you never really got to sitting down with him and telling him properly.

“You did, didn’t you,” his voice was calmer, but the anger was still there.

You both stood in a heated silence. _Silence_. That seemed to be a constant in this relationship, even before you both started to date, it was always something that lingered around the both of you. It was the third-wheel that just wouldn’t get the memo. Kun had a hand on his forehead, taking in deep breaths, and you kept your eyes off of him, feeling like you were going to go off on him at any moment if he did so much as say a word. You would have your arguments, certainly, such was natural in a relationship, but you don’t think it was ever this bad. You were both in the wrong for two reasons that should’ve been independent of each other but instead were interwoven in the strangest way, and the silence made you understand that. Both of your trusts in each other had been almost entirely broken, you both kept secrets you shouldn’t have, put your trust in other people aside from each other. You shouldn’t have kept a secret about his own family from him, and he shouldn’t have overstepped the boundaries that you had long placed.

Who was in the wrong?

“We should break up.”

## IV. Strangers 

Love was a flittering thing. It’s funny how the concept championed loyalty but could be gone in the blink of an eye at the slightest rupture of belief if the people holding it were not careful. Most people don’t know what they had until they lost it, which was a concept that can be applied with many things, but it constantly found itself in the presence of affection. Some people found love ridiculous, and in some aspects it was, and though their opinion is one to be respected, many people cast it aside and willingly, blindly, walk into it. Some people can’t live without it, and others get by perfectly fine. Many will come to find that love is such a controlling thing, subconsciously playing into one’s everyday life and decisions without even actively thinking about it. To put it simply, it makes you do thinks you’d never actually do, and sometimes it makes you do things you come to regret.

Kun found that out the hard way.

“I’m off then,” he signed the timetable and waved at his boss.

“Get home safely, Kun, it’s dangerous at night,” the old shopkeeper bid his employee goodbye before he closed the shop.

Kun rubbed his hands together fighting off the cold winter night. The streets weren’t busy around this time, a car would pass here and there, but other than that there were no disturbances, aside from the tracks he was leaving behind him, that is. He pulled his phone out as soon as he heard the ringtone.

“Mom, hey, yeah. I just got off shift and I’m on my way home now,” Kun stands by the bus stop. “How’s dad?” Kun listened carefully to his mother’s words.

He had been in China for eight years now. It almost felt like he never left sometimes. He didn’t remember much of when he was abroad, actually. He graduated despite their circumstances but was still unable to land a steady job and, as a result, he’s been picking up as many odd jobs as he could. Sadly, his father only got more sick as the years continued, and the bills kept piling higher than Kun could have ever imagined. At this point, Kun had resigned himself to eternal servitude, as dramatic as that sounds, he couldn’t put it any other way. He had stopped talking to a lot of friends he had, both abroad and at home, he just couldn’t find the time to relax anymore.

“You getting on?” The bus driver spoke up, effectively silencing the man’s busy thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry,” Kun stepped on quickly, taking a seat by the window as usual and feeling the bus jerk forward. He pulled his backpack onto his lap, his eye catching the small pin on the side. A small sigh left his lips when he stared at it, he hadn’t kept it in good condition, and he was surprised that he even kept it for this long, but his sentimental personality prevented him from ever properly disposing it. It was chipped at the sides and the shine it once had was worn through, but the stories it held within it were left untouched. He pulled his headphones on and shuffled his playlist, falling into the memories of a time long passed.

That morning, eight years ago now, Kun woke up first. He was still in his clothes from the night before, and he was in a rather awkward position on his bed. He sat up and went through his brain, trying to remember the events of that dumb party Ten insisted on having, but he drew a blank. He stretched his arms over his head and noticed the Advil on the table and took it without a second thought, it did well for the hangover. He yawned while he walked into the main room, but did a quick double take when he noticed you, that person he fell in love with so long ago, asleep on the couch and in his clothes.

Then he really tried to remember what happened the night before.

He remembered his thoughts exactly in that moment: ‘He didn’t do anything to you, did he? He didn’t do anything that he might regret later? How much did he drink last night?’

He recalled looking over to you again, you weren’t in his bed, so that was a good sign— Wait, no, no it’s not. He had a guest over and he made her sleep on the couch? And what was it about you that he found so endearing right then? What made him realize that he was so helplessly in love with you at that moment? Was it the way his shirt was too big for you? Was it the way you were asleep so comfortably? He didn’t have a clue, and still didn’t for that matter.

It was just… _something_.

He ended up making breakfast for you instead, whatever it was that happened he figured that a good deed would be a sufficient way to make up for it.

He was glad that nothing happened, don’t get him wrong, but maybe a bit disappointed that no life changing event happened that would’ve been the link to bring you both closer. Maybe he should’ve said something before you left, but there he was, walking you to the door. He had even opened it for you and let you out himself. He was about to close it when he figured that now was the perfect chance, and maybe the only one.

_“Do you want me to drive you home? I think you mentioned something about your apartment being on the other side of campus.”_

Well he fucked that up.

He meant to say that he wanted to do it again, he meant to say that he wanted to make you breakfast again, he meant to say that he wanted to see you like that every morning, he meant to say that he wanted to be apart of your life.

He wondered if you felt the same, if you had that same thought in your head and that same want for something more. He wondered if, hypothetically, he confessed to you right then, would you have said yes? Would you have responded with the same amount of enthusiasm or more than when he finally mustered up the courage in the cafe? If he told you what he was really thinking of, would you both have had more time together?

But nope.

He offered you a ride instead.

He cleared his throat silently, so as not to disturb the other riders on the bus. He couldn’t deny the slight ache in his chest whenever he thought about you. For a year and longer, and even so now, whenever he thought back to that final night, he wondered if there was anything he could’ve done differently. Sometimes he wondered what everything would’ve been like now if he stayed, if you both never broke up.

Kun was always a romantic. Where most of the boys he knew were thinking about their newest toys or their next sports game, Kun was planning out his dream wedding. He could see it perfectly, how he wanted to meet the special someone, how he’d ask that person out, how he’d show his never-ending bouts of love and affection, how he’d finally propose, how he’d plan the wedding, he had it all planned to the very detail. He even took it a step further, he dreamt about his future house, his future family, and everything in between. His head was always stuck in the clouds, and he remembered that when he’d tell his parents about them, they’d just laugh softly and tell him that, although it was a perfect dream, that’s not how it was like in reality.

He thought they were ridiculous, he was a child at the time so such was the explanation. He lived his whole life with everything planned and structured, he always knew the outcome of things, or at the very least was confident in how things would result. And, with all this thought of perfect dreams, Kun’s train of thought ended with you. You threw his life off the rails, and he didn’t mean that in a bad way, it was unexpected and at the very least exciting. All of that dreaming and all of that planning he had done for years was suddenly irrelevant when he met you. You were just _different_ , and although it was a stark difference to what Kun had originally wanted, he can’t say that he didn’t want it again.

But now, at this moment, all you are to him is a distant memory. One that he didn’t want to forget, but one that he felt was slipping away like a paper airplane in a hurricane. There were days when he never thought about you entirely, and there were days he’d remember that final night word from word. What a hypocrite he is, he always preached living life without regrets, but look at him now, thinking about what could’ve been…

Or, more accurately, what _should’ve_ been.

He can never take back what happened that night, but part of him wished that you both worked through it instead of going your separate ways. He never did forget the blank look on your face when you left his apartment, leaving all of your things behind with a simple ‘ _Just sell them.’_ He did with a few of them, actually, but there were some things he couldn’t part with and they’re sitting in the attic right now in a box titles ‘School Work’ to keep his parents from going through it, and there was the one he was playing with between his fingers right now.

It wasn’t until recently, maybe a year ago, when he realized that it was him who was primarily wrong. He knew that he shouldn’t have betrayed your privacy like that, or doubted you like that at all. In fact, it was mostly on him for not listening to you properly that first time you told him about it. And after he finally got his parents’ side of the story it was nothing but regret he felt, and yes that’s another bout of hypocrisy. He didn’t know what exactly it was that kept him from reaching out to you again. Was it his own pride? Was it fear? Or was it the huge gap in time that separated the two events? Did he want to know?

Looking down at his phone, he stared at your contact. He never deleted it, and he never got rid of the messages either. He stared at the last message you had ever sent him, and one that he didn’t even bother to reply to: _‘Have a safe flight, make sure you eat well before hand, and take care, Kun.’_

There were no bad intentions behind it, all it felt like was a melancholy goodbye. A final word in this relationship that started out as a romantic pop song and ended as a ballad.

He looked around himself, every person on the bus was either fast asleep or tuned into their phones, then he looked at the time, it would be morning where you were right now, wouldn’t it?

Holding the phone to his ear, he listened to the dial tone.

“Hello?” A voice he didn’t recognize.

“Oh, sorry, I got the wrong number,” Kun speaks hurriedly, about to hang up.

“Look, if you’re calling about (Y/N) we don’t know where she is either,” to this Kun’s breath caught in his throat. “You a friend of hers?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m her cousin who just happens to be in charge of answering her damn phone. It’s been four years, we really don’t care anymore. If she doesn’t want to be found, then she doesn’t. She’s alive, at least, always sending us postcards, or whatever, all I know is that she wanted to finish her schooling abroad, or some shit like that. Anyway, I’m going to hang up now.” The line went dead and Kun pulled the phone away, staring at the recently called contacts screen.

You had been missing? Just dropped off the face of the Earth with no signs? That wasn’t like you at all, or at least, the (Y/N) he knew would’ve never done that. He remembered you being a very structured person, always planning ahead and telling everyone what you were up to. But it seemed to be your choice, considering you’d send some sign of life every now and then.

At the sudden ring of his phone once again, Kun rushed to silence and answer it.

“Mom,” he addressed quietly. “You want me to drop by the hospital really quick?” Kun dug through his backpack and pulled out his father’s empty prescription bottle, not recalling that he ever put it in there in the first place.

“Yeah, I can refill it,” Kun answers his worried mother, and once she hangs up he sighs. She could have just told him earlier instead of cornering him like this, he would’ve said yes and refilled it before going to work. With tired eyes he watches his original stop disappear behind him, having three more to go to reach the hospital. With the extra time, Kun’s mind returned to you again, the sudden worry welling up inside of him, something that hadn’t happened in years.

Maybe he was overthinking it now, maybe it was his tired reminiscent mind romanticizing that first day he met you more than it really was. But he never really forgot that morning, when he rushed over to who he thought was just another student struggling to get by and paying for a simple latte for them. That’s how it started for him, at least, just another face that he just happened to have decided to do a good deed for.

Then came the surprise of when you asked to sit with him at Coffee Bean. He recognized you immediately, but he could tell from your expression that you didn’t at all, he was a _bit_ hurt by it, but he couldn’t blame you. At that point, your relationship was nothing more than _strangers_. But, he figured, why not? Where’s the harm? And he obliged. Never did he expect for any kind of relationship to be born out of that, a simple exchange of notes between two students struggling to understand something as simple as atomic theory.

A small smile was on Kun’s face, he didn’t think of you as often, but when he did it was always good things. As he walked off of the bus, he scrolled through some old drafts of his and hovered his thumb over that one assignment that he never really finished. It was titled rather bluntly ‘Untitled 4’ but he knew exactly what it was. As soon as he stepped through the automatic doors of the hospital he pressed it, hearing the soft piano ballad. He had removed every other instrument, just leaving the piano melody and a toned down harmony, really just out of pure frustration of not being able to get the tone right, then he ended up abandoning the project altogether. But now that he was listening to it, he couldn’t help but think it was perfect now.

Lost love. That was the assignment, the one assignment that he failed on. How could he compose a piece about something he had never experienced? He never turned it in, the syllabus specified that the professor would drop the lowest grade, and thus Kun took this rather safe risk and kept the demo to himself. But, as said earlier, now that he was listening to it, it was perfect. It captured the feeling and the subject perfectly despite him never have changing anything aside from removing the strings. He wondered what was really different about it. Maybe it was only because he now knew what it felt like. To have something so sweet, so lovely, then to lose it.

He was in line at the pharmacy already, and Kun decided that he had enough of the sad and unfinished track, shutting it off entirely and sliding his headphones off as he neared the front.

But the melody didn’t stop.

Kun looked at his phone, the recording app closed and not playing, and the device still connected to his headphones.

So, where was it coming from?

He stepped out of line, the sudden curiosity forming in his thoughts while he followed the melody. It’s impossible for anyone to have known this melody, he never turned in the track and he never even showed anyone the demo. Well, except for one person.

“Hey! Let me go!” The sudden shout of a small child caused Kun to turn around to it, seeing a little girl trying to pull her hand away from a nurse. She yanked her arm away and ran over to Kun, the confusion must have been clear on his face, because the nurse sighed and tried to reach out for the girl.

“Your mother is looking for you, I’m just going to take her to you!”

“No! You’re going the wrong way and I don’t recognize you,” the little girl ran behind Kun.

Now, Kun knew better than to assume, and maybe he shouldn’t have done this, but he was already here so why not?

“Is everything alright?” Kun asked the little girl, and the nurse straightened herself.

“Yes, carry on,” the nurse smiled and nodded, trying to pull the child away. “These damn foreign kids… where do they get this energy from?” The nurse mumbled under her breath.

“No! I don’t know this person, and they’re trying to take me away from my mom! And I know who all of my mom’s coworkers look like…” The child cried. She couldn’t have been older than seven, he thought, and already she had a sharp tongue, almost too smart for her own good.

“Do you even know this man?!” The nurse grimaces.

“Yes! He’s my mom’s neighbor and he knows what she looks like!” The little girl lies. Maybe not that smart, actually, if she’s trusting a stranger more than a worker, but she looked scared of this nurse, and Kun was smart enough to put two and two together.

“Right, yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll take it from here,” he clears his throat. “Come along now,” Kun gestures for the young child to follow him away from the nurse.

“You heard him! Bye now!” The little girl waves at the nurse and walks ahead of Kun. “Thank you, mister! You can go now… my mom said that whenever a nurse I don’t recognize comes up to me and tells me that she told them to get me I should run, but she wouldn’t leave me alone so I went to you instead,” the little girl nods and runs off.

Towards the melody that Kun had initially been following.

He stopped by the piano in the lobby, seeing someone sitting at the grandiose instrument. Normally, whenever he would be there, it would be some old musician the hospital hired to fill in the dead air of the already depressing atmosphere with equally depressing music. Instead, now, in place of those graying pianists, was a rather young woman. Her lab coat was draped across the seat next to her while she played the simple melody, and the little girl was standing next to her, watching in complete awe.

“There you are, I was wondering where you had run off to,” the woman rubbed the little girl’s head affectionately. “You didn’t give the nurses trouble, did you?” He knew that voice, and he found himself moving towards the two before he could even think about it.

“Only one, this lady in a pink uniform who said that you sent her to get you.”

“Ah! She’s new to my unit, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, but don’t worry she’s trustworthy,” the woman sighs.

“Oh, okay! I like that song!” The little girl gushed.

“I know you do, that’s why I played it so you’d show up, you silly girl. Let’s go home now.”

“Wait!” Kun was acting before thinking, something he usually never did, but he had to know.

You turned around, holding onto your daughter’s hand tightly.

“Can I help you?” Your voice was tired from the 24 hour shift you had just finished. But your tired eyes focused on the person in front of you, and you felt your heart skip a beat. And here you thought you’d never see him again. Instinctively, you pushed your daughter behind you. Surely, he didn’t remember you. And if he did, you doubted that he was any different than when you last saw each other. Kun’s eyes moved from you to the little girl behind you.

“I see you’ve been well, (Y/N),” Kun says quietly.

“Oh! This mister helped me escape from the nurse,” the little girl tugged at your shirt. “You know my mom? Mom you know him?”

“I do, it’s been a while since we last talked though… But he really helped you?” You turned to him briefly before exhaling quietly. “Well, we’d have to thank him properly then, right?”

“Yes,” the little girl’s eyes shone.

“Oh, no, that’s not necessary,” Kun waved his hand politely. He was just glad enough to know that you’ve been doing well.

“Nonsense, you helped out my energetic little girl here, let me repay the favor,” you insisted.

“I know a really good candy shop you’d like,” the little girl adds in quietly.

“How could I say ‘no’ to that?” Kun chuckles softly.

“How’s Wednesday for you?” You asked. Kun scrolled through his calendar quickly, seeing the shift he had picked up that day.

“Sure, just send me a time and place,” he smiles. He catches himself quickly, he just made the assumption that you kept his number, but after that night, he wouldn’t be surprised if you deleted it, but when his phone pinged with that familiar ring tone he had assigned for you, his suspicions were debunked.

“Don’t be late, or else you’re getting the same coffee order you liked eight years ago,” you said with a slight teasing edge to your voice. “Time to go,” you gently tugged your daughter along.

“Bye, Mister!” Your daughter waves exaggeratedly. “Wait! What’s your name?” Your daughter called out to him while you were walking away.

“Oh, it’s Kun!” He answers.

“Kun? As in my da—” your eyes grew wide and you swept her up in your arms, effectively silencing her with the fit of giggles she burst out in as soon as you spun her around.

“I’ll have to tell the nurses not to give you anymore sugar past ten, I’ll see you on Wednesday!” You said quickly, waving goodbye to him while you sped out of the hospital.

Kun stood for a few moments more, staring at the now closed automatic doors. He had so many questions for you, but they would just have to wait for five more days. That was enough time to sort through his thoughts, maybe. He pushed his hands in his pockets, feeling the empty prescription bottle in them.

 _‘Right, that’s why I was here in the first place,’_ Kun thought to himself. He rotated it in his hand and walked back to the pharmacy. He glanced out the window, seeing your daughter run up to it and jump up and down, seemingly trying to get his attention, and you ran up behind her in a small panic, looking around you before carrying her in your arms. Again, the small smile appeared on Kun’s face while he held his hand up as a small gesture of goodbye. With a wide smile, your daughter points towards the parking structure, and with a silent laugh you obliged, and soon you were completely out of sight. Kun opened your text, a location attached to it with a simple ‘thank you.’

## V. Covalence

 **Covalence** : (n) Relating to or denoting a relationship formed between the mutual sharing and understanding of both people’s negatives in order to balance the positives and together form a stable bond.


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